Noir at the Bar, Arizona Style

Are you going to Left Coast Crime in Tucson next month (March 16-19)? Start it off the night before with Noir at the Bar. I'll be part of a great line up. We'll all be reading from our works and enjoying an in-person (!) evening. If you'll be in town, join us!

Some Ideas About Running a Noir at the Bar

By David Nemeth

Noir at the Bar, Wilmington DE, (July 21, 12019)

I'm still learning how to do organize this whacky thing called Noir at the Bar. But here are some things I try to do. Any other suggestions would be appreciated.

1. Find the Sweet Spot for Number of Readers

It's not as easy as one thinks to get this number right: is it 6, 8, 10, 12 – even odd numbers are okay. For me in Wilmington DE, the number is 6. For Eryk Pruitt in Hillsborough NC, his number is 8.

2. Get a Host for the Night

If you've done enough already organizing the event. It's not like you're going to chilled and relaxed during the N@B, but give yourself one less thing to do. (Stolen from Eryk Pruitt)

3. Publish Bios of Writers Prior to the Night

You already collect the bios for the host to introduce the writers, use them ahead of time and published them on Facebook the week before. The writers get excited about a little promotion and it's a great reminder through the week that Noir at the Bar is upcoming.

4. Have an Audience Favorite Award

The audience loves it and the writer that wins the award really seems to like it. You can get anything engraved on Amazon. (Stolen from Ed Aymar)

5. Adapt to Your Location

Stoney's British Pub was recently on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. The clientele has changed a bit over the last few months–more kids in with their families. I'm going to have to begin asking writers to have two stories: the regular story and a PG version.

6. Get a Good Mix of Local and Out-of-Town Writers

Local writers bring in family and friends. Out-of-towners, well, they're usually just trouble.

7. Coach Writers on How to Use a Microphone

Please, writers, don't be scared of the microphone. Put it right up against your mouth and do your business.

8. Make a Poster

Make sure the poster works well on various social media.

9. Make a Facebook Event

Yeah, yeah, you hate Facebook. Get over yourself and embrace Satan.

Writing in a Vacuum and Other Stories

So the Oscars happened. I haven't seen Green Book so I'm not going to comment too much on the Academy's choice of it as the best picture of 2018, but they don't exactly have a great track record. (I was disappointed in Green Book upon announcement, because it uses the name of Victor Hugo Green's book for black people to travel safely--in the north as well as south--in '60s America without telling his story, which deserves its own movie.) What I will talk about is the argument that you should judge the art, not the artist, and the desire to somehow write in a vacuum. The artist will always be judged. Period. I'm not going to argue whether it is wrong or right, or whether you should or not. It is a simple fact. The only way to not be judged is to remain anonymous or in obscurity until your death, and then they'll judge your bones. It's what people do.

The writer who has come closest to anonymity and fame  of late is Elena Ferrante, author of the Neapolitan Quartet beginning with My Brilliant Friend. And I may have missed her being outed; I recall there was some scandal about her "real identity" and I didn't read it, because I don't want to know who she "really" is. I read My Brilliant Friend and enjoyed it, but I haven't read the rest of the books yet. They are intense, and I will finish them sometime. I should probably jump on it before someone reveals her identity to me.

I can be stubborn about reading classics and beloved books. I finally got around to reading William Faulkner, which I somehow avoided despite taking AP English in high school and completing an English degree with honors at Rutgers University, so I get around to these things eventually. I had read Faulkner's Knight's Gambit stories and found them mediocre, but Sanctuary was quite good. Joyce Carol Oates nudhzed me into reading it, and I think she's disappointed that I didn't crow about it. It's a great book, sure. Disturbing, and sort of the flip-side to To Kill a Mockingbird, with Horace Benbow sitting in for Atticus Finch, and being much more human. It begins in media res and you have to piece it together, and while I enjoyed his portrayal of hypocritical small-town mores, his structure made it a bit of a chore. Faulkner called it a potboiler after the critical response. 1930's America wasn't ready for a dose of ugly reality. It's still shocking today.

I read a good post by writer Joseph D'Agnese about the power of Sleep. He's not the first to talk about the benefits of sleeping on a plot problem or other writing block, but he's talked to sleep doctors, and The goal of sleep is to organize your thoughts and consolidate learning. Americans are chronically under-rested, so this says a lot. Get your sleep in. When you have a problem, sleep on it. Use a sleep app to measure how much sleep you are getting, if necessary. I had a big sleep debt from sleep apnea, and I am still very sensitive to lack of sleep. I get cranky, unfocused, gloomy. I watch for it, and I go to bed super-early when I see it happening, to head it off. You'll be surprised how a few good nights' sleep will improve your outlook. Try it.

When you're not sleeping, you can go to events like Noir at the Bar Hoboken. Jason Pinter, publisher of Polis Books, gathered a great bunch of writers at Mulligan's pub in Hoboken, in stumbling distance of the PATH train. The bar is an ungentrified old school pub that gave him the back room, and it was packed Sunday night. Readers included Jen Conley, Kellye Garrett, Ed Aymar, John Vercher, and Jim Fusilli. It was a great night, and I hope he does it again soon. Club soda and lime is free, and five bucks for curry fries? I might move in! The Guinness is poured well and at seven bucks ain't too bad. It's around the corner from Little City Books, a nice shop that does keep a strong mystery section, and they sold books at the event. It was a good time, and I hope to see you there for the next one. John Vercher, whose book Three Fifths comes out from Polis Books this year, read from a work in progress about a beat-up fighter who finds a body in his trunk and doesn't remember how it got there. Can't wait to read the rest of that one!

Speaking of Jen Conley, her YA novel Seven Ways to Get Rid of Harry is wonderful. If you read her story of the same name in Protectors, she has expanded it into a great little book. She brought me back to my childhood with this gripping debut. Danny Zelko battles with his mother's abusive boyfriend amidst the helplessness, confusion, and tumultuous friendships of his formative thirteenth summer. Sometimes harrowing, often funny, this is a great and necessary read for anyone who wants to understand what it's like for boys in that liminal stage, when faced with the challenge of a bad role model. It's available for pre-order from Down & Out Books.

This year, the real stunner of a book will be The Border, by Don Winslow. Following his breakout crime novel The Power of the Dog and the epic sequel The Cartel, this finale creates an American drug war trilogy to challenge the L.A. Quartet. Arturo Keller is now head of the DEA and has a chance to enact real change, but as a man of vindictive obsession, he wants to take out the money men who keep the cartel alive by allowing them to launder their cash to fund real estate around the world. He retains the epic sprawl of the second novel but tightens the narrative so the story burns at a feverish clip, like we are bingeing a NetFlix series. And as always, he is unafraid to stare into the abyss of our own making, asking why Americans need more painkillers than the rest of the world. Drugs come across our borders because we want them.

Coming from a family that's no stranger to the drug war--one cousin lost, others saved after what felt like endless stumbles back into hell--I thanked Don Winslow for his sympathetic portrait of addicts, migrant children fleeing the gangs our money created, police who destroy their souls working undercover, and their superiors who have to make impossible decisions. He spares no one: the Italian mob, street gangs, the cartel, the bankers and lawyers and politicians who protect their money, and the system itself, which generates billions in jobs to run in circles chasing drugs when we know how it gets here and why. It doesn't get smuggled up a mule's behind in the desert by migrants looking for a better life, it rolls in on tractor trailers, one every 15 seconds. When I worked at the shipping terminal, one of our vendors built gamma ray scanners that were supposed to quickly scan those trucks for bodies and contraband as they rolled through the border crossings. Sometimes they work, if a bribe isn't involved.

The ARC of The Border is 711 pages and I read it in under a week, in hundred-page marathon sessions, forcing myself to put the book down. Winslow is in full mastery of his voice here, and conjures fully-fleshed characters from the earth like planted dragon's teeth. I won't forget Jacqui, Nico, Detective Cirello, Marisol, Belinda "the Fosfora" and many more. Coming from the "red wedding" of dread that was The Cartel, I was pleasantly surprised to find closely guarded hope in this novel, as Keller walks face first into withering fire to save everything he fights for. I can't say enough about this one. It had the chance to stumble into parody or lose its head. I enjoyed The Force, but wasn't satisfied by its conclusion. The Border earns its ending with plenty to spare.

Back to the Oscars. Instead of decrying the Academy's choices--it's funny how Americans keep getting shocked by how conservative voters can be--I'd rather talk briefly about the movies I did like.
So instead of 88 lines about 44 women, I give you 30 lines about 15 movies. (Remember that song? It's a rather brilliant one-hit wonder by The Nails)

The Wife stars Glenn Close, the real Nobel winner
   She's sick of pretending, and guts her hubs for dinner.
In Leave No Trace Ben Foster is a vet living rough,
   His daughter is sick of woods life, and gives him some tough love.
If Beale Street Could Talk, it would break your heart.
   This old story's sadly fresh as ever, the film a work of art.
You Were Never Really Here, improves upon the novella.
    Lynne Ramsay gives the girl some agency, and she saves Joaquin-fella.
Roma packs a lot of history into its gorgeous frame,
    Cuaron breaks Mexican taboo and gives indio Yalitza Aparicio well-deserved fame.
Sorry to Bother You is too weird to get an Oscar but see it anyway.
   It spoofs office work and Amazon and will make you laugh and neigh.
BlacKKKlansman by Spike Lee tells the story of a black cop who
   Busted up a klavern, and spied on civil rights activists too.
Annihilation is the Space Odyssey of this millennium,
   It will stun you with fractal visuals and make you wonder who's the alien.
First Reformed with Ethan Hawke has a lot to say of men
   Who get obsessed with religion, and let others martyr them.
Black Panther was a blast, Wakanda bright and new
   It made me give a damn about heroes in underoos.
The Favourite is brilliant, vulgar, and full of dastardly deceits.
   The royal court is vicious both in the sheets and in the streets.
Blindspotting was overlooked, a daring tale of Oakland movers
    If gentrifiers don't get them killed, they might live to drive for uber.
Mandy you will love or hate, a living heavy metal album cover.
   Nicholas Cage chews the scenery to avenge his murdered lover.
Bird Box was better than A Quiet Place, its monsters won't get old,
  If you scare easy, you might want to watch through a blindfold.

(I have no rhythm and I don't care.)

Top Five Daddies in Crime Fiction

TOP FIVE DADDIES IN CRIME FICTION

       1. Jedidiah Ayres
       Who better to top this list than the man who co-purloined Noir at the Bar from the Top Daddies of 2018, Peter Rozovsky? If you’re wondering why he belongs here, you obv haven’t seen him in his tightie-whiteys. Jed was the man who gave birth to some of the greatest noir collections of all time (D*CKED, Noir at the Bar Vol 1 & II) as well as his own hardboiled novel Peckerwood. For the last several years, his website Hardboiled Wonderland has been the go-to spot for crime fiction flick aficionados. Rawr!

       2. Steve Weddle
       Yes, this Country Hardball author is soooo cranky but that’s because we haven’t done enough to make him happy. Good luck getting this daddy to smile! His short fiction recently appeared in Playboy , but you can get all the Weddle you want and more on his Do Some Damage podcast. Plus, he’s a ginger and I have it on good authority that the carpet indeed matches the drapes!

       3. E.A. Aymar
       This host of DC’s Noir at the Bar chapter will get it done inside the Beltway. Just imagine those dreamy eyes and purty mouth telling you it’s time to go to bed with the lights off. Aymar also heads up The Thrill Begins, writes for the International Thriller Review and his latest novel, The Unrepentant will be published in March 2019. All of this PLUS his social media feeds are the daddiest jokes of them all. Here’s hoping daddy still has time for you!!!

       4. Benoit Lelievre
       This Quebecois book reviewer for Dead End Follies is the perfect daddy to cuddle up with during a snow day! No stranger to Canada’s brutal winters, Benoit can help weather the storm with his thoughts on some of the darkest crime fiction while he tucks you into your warm bed at night. And this papa will do it all with a French accent! Oooh la la!

       5. S.A. Cosby
       This newcomer to the crime fiction scene proves that you don’t need a kid to be a daddy. He divides his time between the mortuary and the gym, so while there’s a lot for you to love, it’s all rock hard muscle. Don’t blame yourself if daddy is hitting the sauce a little harder this month; it’s only because his debut novel My Darkest Prayer has just hit the shelves and has been received very well! Extra bonus: Cosby is from the country so he knows all the back roads. Daddy like!!

       Who do you think is the best daddy in crime fiction? Leave your answer in the comments below.

Noir at the Bar – Crawl

For the last several months, I have been working with Eryk Pruitt, E.A. (Ed) Aymar, S.A. (Shawn) Cosby, Marietta Miles and Nik Korpon to organize the second Noir at the Bar Crawl. It kicks off in Durham, NC, and then moves like a Nor'easter to Richmond, DC, Baltimore and Wilmington, DE. From May 3rd to May 7th it's going to be some dank noir spreading up the east coast.

Writers participating in this year's Crawl are David Terrenoire, Jamie Mason, J D Allen, Michael Pool, Lyndee Walker, Greg Barth, S L Coney, Warren Moone, Shawn A. Cosby, Ward Howarth, William E. Johnson, Marietta Miles, David Nemeth, Eryk Pruitt, Shawn Reilly Simmons, D Alexander Ward, Kim Alexander, Kathleen Barber, James Grady, Matthew Iden, Angie Kim, Ellen Clair Lamb, Jen Michalski, Alan Orloff, Josh Pachter, J D Smith, Dave Swinson, Andrew Novak, Beth Woodward, Damien, Angelica Walters, Michael R. Underwood, Ronald Malfi, Sujata Massey, Scott Adlerberg, Chris Bauer, S A Cosby, Richard Goffman, Tony Knighton, Ed Kurtz, and Lanny Larcinese.

Now, let me turn this over to Eryk Pruitt who has an article about last year's successful crawl and as an added bonus Nik Korpon shares some ideas on how to set up your own Noir at the Bar in your town. – David Nemeth

By Eryk Pruitt

RICHMOND, VA

It’s five minutes to showtime and Marietta Miles demands proficient use of the c-word. She wanders the floor of McCormack’s Irish Pub in downtown Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom, from booth to booth, cheerfully reminding each crime writer in attendance.

“I expect to hear the word cunt,” she says. “Don’t let me down.”

When you look at the motley crew Marietta has assembled for her public reading that particular Friday night in June, it’s hard to imagine she would be disappointed. Despite her own dark fiction sensibilities on display in her debut novel Route 12, a veritable Murderer’s Row prepares to come out swinging.

Noir, indeed.

Richmond is known for the darkness. McCormack’s sits just around the corner from a museum celebrating River City’s favorite son, Edgar Allan Poe. The last vestiges of the War Between the States occurred when Union forces burned the Confederate capital to the ground. Richmond is home to the Bailey Brothers, the Southside Strangler, and perhaps several other serial killers yet to be discovered.

It’s also home to a handful of readers scheduled to appear that night at Richmond’s second annual Noir at the Bar. Among them are LynDee Walker, author of six national bestselling mysteries, including the Agatha Award-nominated Front Page Fatality. Also Mary Burton, the bestselling suspense author, and native son Ward Howarth, author of the historical thriller River City Blues.
“Thank you all for asking me back again this year,” says author S.A. Cosby. Cosby hails from Gloucester, VA, and this is his second time to drive into town from the coast. He’s a soft-spoken man, but his short story “Walking on Grass” will later plunge the room into silence, save for the sporadic chuckle, then eventually the loud clamor of applause. It’s hard to imagine he won’t invited again next year, when Marietta hosts Richmond’s third event.

Marietta is soft-spoken herself. She has a cheery, Southern voice, one you’d expect to accompany a plate of fresh-baked cookies or a minivan full of children off to a soccer game, or slumber party. This makes the delivery of her own tragic tale, “Tell Her,” originally published by Out of the Gutter, all the more devastating. A collective gasp from the room follows her story, then a long moment of reflection that eventually gives way to cheers.

Her story landed.

In all, eight readers perform ten-minute selections of their work. Marine combat veteran Phillip Thompson drove in from Charlottesville to read from the latest of his Colt Harper mystery series, Outside the Law. The Carolinas produced Asheville’s own Jamie Mason, who read from her bestselling Monday’s Lie. Shawn Reilly Simmons took time from her busy schedule in Frederick, Maryland to leave the room slackjawed for the second consecutive year.
They play to a full house. An emcee treats folks in attendance to a raffle which awarded winners with giveaways, such as books, films, and local wine. A few passersby stop for a drink, then find themselves glued to their barstools until the end. Take a quick glance through the audience and find a couple familiar faces: Local actor Jarod Kearney, DC thriller writer E.A. Aymar, and crime fiction reviewer David Nemeth.

“It’s fantastic meeting writers I’ve only known through their books and social media,” Nemeth says with a broad smile. “With all the Southern accents and great stories, it’s like being immersed in a Drive-By Truckers album.”

There is no shortage of darkness. There is plenty of blood. The stories include one lost finger, a gouged eyeball, and a death by a crystal ashtray. Also shootings, stabbings, and beatings. Drinks and more drinks are punctuated with laughter, gasps, and groans.

However, alas, poor Marietta; There is no cunt.

But, cheer up, this is only the first night of a long weekend.

WASHINGTON, DC

E.A. Aymar is one of those guys who can’t leave well enough alone. Since 2014, Aymar has tweaked each Noir at the Bar event in Washington D.C., fine-tuning something which may very well already be perfect. He’s incorporated introductory music for each writer, provided by local DJ Alkimist. He’s offered awards for the best story—one year was an engraved dagger, this time, an engraved machete—selected by audience vote. He’s forever tinkering.

Of course, this has long been tradition across the country. In Manhattan, Denver, Harrisburg,…Durham…folks have looked to put their own spin on the popular institution. Even its current inception was a take on an already existing formula. Peter Rozovsky first coined the name Noir at the Bar for the popular interview series he performed in Philadelphia watering holes, entertaining crowds with a single writer who both read from his own work and fielded Rozovsky’s questions. When St. Louis crime writers Jedidiah Ayres (Peckerwood) and Scott Phillips (The Ice Harvest) attended a NoirCon, they purloined the name and adjusted the concept. Their version mirrors the current, more popular inception, where 4-9 dark fiction writers attempt to one-up each other in a mad medley of dazzle, gore, and gross.

One needs only to investigate the hashtags on Twitter, Instagram, and the like, to find how far and wide the phenomenon has reached since the first days in Philly. One will pop up in Miami. Vancouver has a regular series. Last year found one in Australia. The Brits got wind of it, then it sprinkled across the U.K. There’s rumor of one forming at this year’s Bouchercon scheduled for Toronto in October.
But leave it to Aymar. He refuses to confine his boat-rocking to his own city. For this year’s DC Noir at the Bar, he’s incorporated accomplices.

“I was talking to Marietta and Nik (Korpon) about dates for this year’s event,” Aymar says, “and we decided to do one big weekend.”

And thus was born the first-ever Noir at the Bar Crawl.

Friday, May 19 in Richmond, Virginia. The following night, May 20, at the Wonderland Ballroom in Washington, DC. Then festivities wrap at Zella’s Pizzeria, in Baltimore, Maryland. Let folks choose to attend one, or all three. Promote them as a single event. Spread the news across the Chesapeake.
When word spread about the machete, folks immediately began sharpening their narrative chops. Laurel, MD, crime writer Dana King (Worst Enemies, Grind Joint) penned his hilarious noir “BPD” specifically for the event. Steve Weddle, the author of the acclaimed novel Country Hardball, mined the standing room only crowd for laughs with his rollicking “Love Boat,” an ode to redneck love, both interrupted and unrequited. Baltimore’s Nik Korpon (The Rebellion’s Last Traitor) delivered a sermon a la chicken-fried Jim Jones, complete with rubber snake handling and exploding blood packets. Anthony Award-nominated Jersey girl Jen Conley (Cannibals: Stories from the Edge of the Pine Barrens) offered a memoir from her youth spent smoking hash in London.

“The competition was tough this year,” Aymar said.

Aymar’s competition is tough every year. DC’s central location on the East Coast allows him to select top crime scribes from several communities, not only the Capitol’s rich and varied pool. Despite area celebrities who have read in the past, like James Grady, David Swinson, and Art Taylor,  the annual event attracts award-winning writers from Baltimore, New York City, Virginia, and even North Carolina.

However, not moments after the end of yet another successful Noir at the Bar in DC, Aymar finds himself at a patio table outside the Wonderland Ballroom, cocktail in hand. His eyes are far away. There’s no doubt what’s going on in his mind.

He’s already thinking about next year.

Tinkering.

Ask him who he would like to read, if he could get anyone in the world, Aymar wastes no time.
“Pelecanos,” he says, speaking of George Pelecanos, author of twenty detective fiction novels set in Washington D.C.

And knowing E.A. Aymar, he’s likely to land him.

BALTIMORE, MD

With Noir at the Bar spreading far and wide, reaching taverns across the globe, folks are often asking how they can get one in their neck of the woods. In the words of the immortal St. Louis author, Jedidiah Ayres, who begat the proliferation:

“You have to start it yourself.”

For many, that task can be daunting. How can one person continue the legacy of Philly noir aficionado Peter Rozovsky and transfuse it to a new community? Nik Korpon did it three years ago when he hosted Baltimore’s inaugural Noir at the Bar at Slainte Pub in Fell’s Point. Since then, Charm City has hosted several and, its proximity to Richmond and D.C. made it a natural fit for the final leg of the Noir at the Bar Crawl.

To that end, I’d propose: If Korpon can do it, anyone can.

So for those of you watching at home, interested in hosting your own event, Korpon offers tips to spark your inaugural Noir at the Bar.

1. FIND A VENUE 

“I’ve been really lucky with venues,” Korpon says. “A friend, Dan Morrison, hooked me up with Zella’s.”  

Zella’s Pizzeria serves up tasty pizza, sandwiches, and drinks to the Hollins Market neighborhood in Baltimore, but on Sunday, May 21, it was host to eight crime writers, coming from Baltimore, greater Maryland, Pennsylvania, and even New York. An eager audience came out on a lazy Sunday evening to eat, drink, and mingle while a cacophonous symphony of restaurant work punctuated each symphony. 

“Basically, find a place that has a good vibe, good food, and beer,” Korpon advises. “And preferably, a sound system.” 

2. CHOOSE READERS 

“I try to have as diverse a lineup as possible, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.”  

Korpon achieved that goal for the Crawl. Not only does he make an effort to invite both men and women writers, he also reaches out to a geographically diverse bunch. He’ll also branch out from the typical fiction readings that have become mainstays at these readings. During the Crawl, Anjili Babbar, an Irish folklore professor, delivered a short lecture about Ken Bruen’s Jack Taylor series.  

3. PROMOTE THE EVENT 

“I’ll make a Facebook event and design a poster,” Korpon offers. “Most of the people who come know it by word of mouth.” 

Often times, a couple well-targeted press releases help get the word out. Another tactic to get more folks in the door would be to invite readers who tend cultivate a following. Some of the bigger draws in your area might help, as would readers with an active and passionate fan base. But it never hurts to develop a relationship with your local newspaper and community calendars. 

4. CURATE THE READING ORDER 

Korpon’s constructed the perfect reading order. It’s always wise to throw someone up front who knows what they are doing, and who can give the audience an idea what they are in for. Korpon’s Charm City event kicked off with Louis Bayard reading a selection originally published in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. A tough act to follow, sure, but Tony Knighton and Meg Opperman were up to the task. However, just before the break, Angel Colon delivered his raucous, untitled selection about a hapless criminal smuggling exotic fish using…um, unconventional methods. With the audience fully primed, Korpon called for a ten minute break. 

Coming out of break, Damien Angelica Walters read from Sing Me Your Scars, followed by Matthew Iden offered “Plea Bargain,” followed by Babbar’s mini-lecture. All of this led up to the grand finale, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania’s Erik Arneson’s hilariously deadpan rendition of “Barnyard Noir.” 

“If I have an idea what people are reading,” Korpon says, “I’ll try to orchestrate it like a mixtape or short story collection.” 

5. MAKE THEM A REGULAR EVENT IN YOUR COMMUNITY 

The Crawl was Baltimore’s fourth installment of Noir at the Bar in Baltimore. Korpon is always on the lookout for more talent to continue the tradition.  

“I love doing them,” he says. “My favorite story is probably J. David Osborne’s story about a stripper shooting ping-pong balls from her vagina.”  

Stories like that are what keep folks on the lookout for the next Noir at the Bar. 

Noir at the Bar Tips

By Sam Belacqua

So last weekend we had two east coast Noir at the Bar events. I don't know if there are any scheduled this weekend, but people don't always tell me everything, so fuck if I know.

If you've never been to one but you want to go, just go. Show up and enjoy. If you want to read, I've got some tips for you.

1) Wait until the night of the event to tell the host that you want to read. Chances are the organizer has spent the last few months making sure all the right folks are coming to read, that all the bios are correct, that the venue is prepared. It's been a busy time. Why burden the organizer with more? Just find the posts on FB and Twitter talking about the upcoming Noir Bar and post something like, "Looks good. Not sure why I wasn't invited." Honestly, they probably didn't invite you because they're jealous of your talent and didn't want to be shown up. Writers are sensitive souls.

2) Make sure to list all of you publications in your Noir Bar bio. It's possible that some people at the bar haven't heard of you. While highly unlikely, you should prepare for this just in case. Of course you want to mention the novels and collections you've published, but also any story in the last, say, 20 or 30 years that you've published in a 'zine or online. List them all. If you have fewer than a dozen publications, you may want to post some on your own blog before the reading so that you can mention those, too.

3) Be sure to read something involved, preferably with at least 10 characters. Most readers will try to focus on a tight, active story with just a couple folks in there. This is your time to shine. Think Faulkner on speed. Remember that moron in the Mozart movie who said his song (I don't remember which one.) had too many notes? Oh, how we laughed at the little moron. You need to add notes. More people. Think you have enough? Add more characters. And settings. How dull is it to have a story with just a couple characters in one place? More notes!!

4) In case adding more characters doesn't do this automagically, be sure that your story is longer than the suggested five minutes. Look, these people drove out to the bar for some high shelf fiction. When else will you have the chance to share your work with this many people? This might be the most people who have ever been exposed to your fiction. Make yourself hard to forget. Give them at least a 10,000 word story. Your reading will be the only one anyone talks about. Guaranteed.

5) While most people will read a self-contained short story, make sure you stand out by reading a chapter from your work in progress. And not something from the beginning, where you're introducing characters, either. No. Give them the good stuff. Pick one of the chapters from near the end of your novel, where all the characters and plots and subplots are coming together. What you want is for people to come out of there thinking about your fiction, asking questions. You want to be the talk of the night. Make people think.

If you follow these tips, you'll be remembered and talked about for years to come. Also, when you're at a bar or restaurant for a Noir at the Bar, the last thing you want is to be drunk or end up with a runny bottom. So, be sure not to eat or drink anything at the bar. You'll want to concentrate on your reading, not on trying to stand up straight. Focus on your story. Remember, tonight is all about you. Nothing else matters.

Out of Character

Sat July 16 I was scheduled to read at Noir at the Bar event in DC. I'd tried working on a few different projects, but nothing was coming together. My most recent stories were too long and couldn't be pared down to the length needed.

Channeling my inner high school procrastinating skills, on Thursday July 14 I penned a short story. Initially at 2600 words, it too needed to be trimmed. I was confident I could squeeze it down to 1500 or so and be ready for Saturday.

One of my fellow Radioactive Writers read it and sent back notes, and we discussed the story at length over Skype. Rewrite followed rewrite.

For the purposes of Saturday's event I wanted to; a. Keep it to 1500 words or less, b. Keep it crime, and c. Tuck in some inside jokes for Marietta Miles, who was also reading at the event.

The inside jokes were references to The Walking Dead.

As the process of revision unfolded my critique partner suggested a reference to a Tom Waits song. It was a song Beth sang in the hospital.

Now, the song didn't make the cut. That's not the point. The point is, the suggestion got me thinking about Beth. Would sweet, innocent, sheltered Beth sing Tom Waits? Keith Green, sure. Tom Waits? Undecided.

I posed the question to Brian and that's when he pointed out to me that in some of my books I've had characters reading certain novels he doesn't think that character would read. He says it's common for authors to make that mistake to name drop friends' books.

Of course, I argued back with him that despite his and Bry's own views on religion they're all up on Parker Millsap, despite a lot of God references scattered throughout his lyrics. (And, I mean, who isn't all up on Parker Millsap? I guess anyone who hasn't heard of him, but damn, is he talented.)


However, he has a point about the book references in novels. They often pull the protagonist out of character to serve the author's agenda instead of maintaining character consistency.

Now, I'll be the first to say that I think people can be more diverse than story characters often are, and real people are often filled with contradictions that aren't accepted in character development (as I pointed out to Brian). However, both of those aspects of character development involve narrowing the focus on the character in a story. Inserting musical or written references that contradict the perception of the character don't expand that character; they simply contradict how they've been developed.

Maybe after the apocalypse, after the barn and the brutal deaths they'd seen, maybe then Beth would have listened to Tom Waits, but the only way for her to sing that song was if she knew if before the world turned to hell, and it feels like a stretch to me. I just wasn't convinced. Wild child Maggie, sure. Naive little Beth? Hmmmm. Not sold.

Whenever a character does something to suit the author's purpose the risk is that the reader will be pulled out of the story, and when that happens you risk losing them. Works that are character driven flow from a consistency of character with believable choices the characters make that drive the plot forward.

The other end of the spectrum is placeholder people who do what the author needs to follow their plot. The dumb people who, after being chased by a freak with a knife, hear a noise in the cellar and go to see what it is instead of running away. Or, you know, Kevin from Bloodline, who does everything he's told not to do.

This is an issue that crops up a lot in plot-driven writing. When the focus is on outlining and following a formula for storytelling, the compromise can be wooden characters who don't flow organically through the events because the author's more focused on scenes they want to incorporate than telling a story about a protagonist that flows from their motivation.

I was trained in outlining. When I took my creative writing diploma I worked under the tutelage of an author who had several books to her name. I felt apologetic telling her why I'd continued a manuscript (that eventually became Suspicious Circumstances) but abandoned the outline and why.

Her response? "You've a real writer." She credited me for knowing the limitations of the outline and being able to toss it aside when necessary in order to ensure the development of the characters and the story was organic and believable.

Ask if a character would really do something, and if so, Why? What's their motivation? If you can't answer those questions for a novel you're reading or writing chances are the character isn't well developed.

Being an Author Requires Actually Talking to People

Guest Post by Sarah M. Chen

Holly's note: When I read Sarah's guest post this week, I thought, "Yup, I can relate to that." I think a lot of us can. Few of us are comfortable speaking in front of crowds or even interacting on a smaller level, but a part of being an author is doing just that. Like Sarah, I'm kind of surprised at how easy it's gotten for me. It doesn't mean I like it any better, but it doesn't fill me with anxiety like it used to.

The funny thing is that I've heard Sarah speak and read her work in public and I never for a second thought she wasn't right at home doing it. That's a useful thing for us all to remember--we might not feel entirely comfortable when we're called to speak publicly, but more likely than not, our audience isn't aware of our apprehension.

<Handing the virtual mic to Sarah>


As authors, we all know that it’s important to get ourselves out there, whether it’s through social media or actual face time with real people. We’re told “You need to tweet ten times a day!” or “post consistently on your Facebook author page.” Even better, “boost your post on Facebook.” I have no idea what that entails but a publicist recently said it works. I took her word for it. 

All this social media work (because that’s what it really is—work) is daunting. But it doesn’t stop there because as an author you also have to do appearances and signings. You have to speak on panels at conferences and read at Noir at the Bars (if you’re lucky to be asked).

They say if you don’t do all this, then readers won’t feel connected to you. They want to meet you in person. They want you to reply to their tweets. They want to know what you’re doing every single second of the day. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating with that one. But my point is that if I’d known all this beforehand, I wouldn’t have ever had the balls to be a writer. Because all that social stuff makes me extremely anxious.

But I think I’m getting the hang of it—meaning I don’t have a complete meltdown at the thought of speaking to a crowd of people. Which is how I was years ago. When I first started publishing short stories back in 2007, I had no idea there were things like panels and events where I’d have to talk to people. When someone suggested I participate on a panel, I scoffed. Yeah, right. I’m a writer, not a motivational speaker. I quickly learned that that was the wrong attitude.

So I started out tentatively. My first panel I was on was a “South Bay Mystery Writers” panel at the Carson Library. I managed to squeak out a couple sentences that didn’t make sense. Next was reading alone in front of a crowd who may or may not heckle you. It was a “flash mob” style Noir at the Bar at Left Coast Crime in Monterey. I sucked it up, ignored the urge to duck behind the bar, and read from my WIP. It was the best thing I ever did.

From that point on, speaking gigs started to get easier for me. I moderated a panel at Bouchercon Long Beach. That was terrifying, but surprisingly, people told me I managed to look like I knew what I was doing. Then I was a panelist at Left Coast Crime in Portland. I read at Noir at the Bar in LA. Next was the Noir v. Cozy Smackdown for LitCrawl LA. Most recently, I participated in a celebration of a friend’s debut novel. Instead of the usual launch party, he did a mish-mash of author readings and live bands, and it was really fun.

On the digital side of things, I finally joined Facebook after balking for years and even created an Author page which still surprises me. I became friends with authors I admired which was a huge honor and pretty damn exciting. I joined Twitter finally this year. I’m still trying to get the hang of it, but I’m pretty certain ten tweets a day is not happening for me, like ever. I became a regular on a blog and—hey, I’m even doing guest blogs now!

I also feel like I’ve finally discovered my niche as a writer. A noir novella on the horizon has put me in contact with a lot of other noir folks and it’s a good group of people to know. It makes my time out in the real world and the digital world a lot less terrifying, with a lot more profanity. Works for me.

***

Sarah M. Chen’s crime fiction short stories have been accepted for publication online and in various anthologies, including All Due Respect, Akashic, Plan B, Shotgun Honey, Out of the Gutter, Betty Fedora, Vol. 2, and the SinC/LA anthology, Ladies Night. Her noir novella, CLEANING UP FINN, is coming out May 2016 with All Due Respect Books, proving she can write something over 6,000 words. Visit her online at www.sarahmchen.com.

Noir at the Bar 101

By Alex Segura

So you wanna host a Noir at the Bar, eh?

Wait, you don’t know what Noir at the Bar is? Eek. OK. Well, read this and this and this. This blog post is not a history lesson, but those links should give you a general idea. Going to a ton of Noir at the Bars will help, too. Lemme know when you’re back.

Oh, hi. OK - still want to host one? Great.

I’ve had the pleasure and honor of participating in a ton of Noir at the Bars as reader and host - mainly in the NY/NJ area, where I learned a lot about hosting from folks like Todd Robinson and Thomas Pluck. I also like to think I’ve hosted a few good ones on my own in Queens. That said, I’m not the be-all, end-all when it comes to the mechanics of these events. With that in mind, I’ve put together a quick and dirty guide with my thoughts, plus insight from some of the best and brightest Noir at the Bar hosts around the world. So, sit back, pop open your favorite beverage and start dreaming up your plans for Noir at the Bar Narnia…

FIND A VENUE

A good venue is the unsung hero of N@tB. What makes a good venue? Well, it should be relatively spacious, have a decent PA/mic setup (so the audience can actually hear the readers) and sport a relaxed atmosphere. Now, here’s where I digress from traditional N@tBs - I’ve hosted four, and all have been at coffee shops. The first four were at ODradeks, a coffee place in Kew Gardens. The most recent, and arguably most successful one, was at Astoria Coffee. Both places served beer and wine, covering the “bar” part - but most importantly, both places had a mellow, welcoming mood with engaged owners/managers that “got” what we were trying to do and promoted the events via their channels. That last point is key because it draws people in beyond your circle of writers and friends-of-writers. I’ll get into promotion a bit later, too.

It’s important to find a place that not only opens its doors to new patrons, but to the event as a concept.

“You want a place that likes having you and doesn't make you charge a cover,” said Jen Conley, who runs Noir at the Bar New Jersey. “I like the old school bars. I do mine at Tumulty's in New Brunswick. We have a downstairs room with chairs and a bar—all to ourselves. The place is fantastic.”

Adding special twists to make your event stand out from the many going on across the country doesn’t hurt either. But first order of business is getting a killer venue, most N@tB planners agree.

“For Noir at the Bar Twin Cities, we partnered with Paul Von Stoetzel - our MC - of Killing Joke Films,” said organizer Dan Malmon. “He shows a short film at each of the readings. That gives us a unique experience. The venue is so important. We've been in bars that were too loud, a private theatre that had a bar and stage, but was too isolated. We've been at Bent Brewstillery for 2 readings now, and it's perfect. They are a great partner and really enjoy having us. Tasty beer too.”

Even something as simple as a “VIP” meal can suffice.

“At the one I hosted in Harrisburg,” said Erik Arneson. “We had a pre-event dinner with all the readers who could make it early. Great fun.”

It also helps when the venue doesn’t do readings often - so the event feels new to not only the attendees, but the venue and its staff.

“For my money, the venue needs to be somewhere that doesn't typically host literary events,” said Jay Stringer, co-host of Noir at the Bar Glasgow. “I like the punk rock idea of taking literature out of libraries and book stores and putting them in a bar, making it live and fresh.”

SET YOUR LINEUP/READING ORDER

OK, so your venue is locked in. What’s next? For me, I usually coordinate a ballpark date with my contact at the space - like, Thursdays in November, for example. Then I send an email out to some writer contacts to gauge interest (BCC is your BFF here). The people on the list vary and depend on the event. Not all Noir at the Bars are the same. For example - the first three N@tBs I did at ODradeks were not “selling” events. Which is to say, people didn’t expect to sell copies of their new book at the event. We did raffles every 2-3 readers so authors could bring their giveaway books and promo materials. However, the most recent Noir at the Bar Queens was done in tandem with the wonderful Astoria Bookshop - which meant I had to limit my roster to authors who had books out that could be ordered by a bookstore. Sounds trivial, but it changes things. After the initial emails are sent, I wait to see who responds and what date works best. Based on that, I start building a list. I try to cap it at 10-12. That’s usually two hours of reading, and you shouldn’t try to go over that. That’s the mechanics of it. There’s more to it.

I always strive for a mix of “big” names, up-and-comers and outside-the-box readers (i.e. crime writers who people might not expect to see at a N@tB). The idea is to pull from each author’s fanbase or circle of friends and to also draw in people that don’t normally attend a Noir at the Bar. Once you lock in your list, you’re halfway through. The next challenge is reading order. I liken it to creating a mixtape (so does Jay Stringer, which further proves we’re soul twins) - you want to start strong, close strong and have tonal shifts throughout to keep things interesting. Whenever I make a playlist, I start big, then hit harder with the second song and blow it out of the water with the third, always keeping in mind that the finale has to be the biggest moment. What does that mean in concrete, picking-a-reading-order terms? It’s hard to say. It should be a mix of what you know about an author’s skills as a reader and their resume in terms of being a draw. If you have a big name, like Lawrence Block - who was at the last Queens Noir at the Bar and hadn’t done a N@tB before - you close with him. Not only was he the biggest name on the bill, he was also a masterful reader (and a gentleman and joy to deal with), so it evened out. Other times, I’ve closed with a lesser-known author who I’m certain will bring the goods and end the night on a strong note. Go with your gut.

For what it's worth, I always ask readers if they have a preference as to where they land on the list. You’ll be surprised at some of the responses you get. I don’t always do this, but you should also note that while you’ll do your best to make it work in terms of author preference, final say on reading order rests with the host.

“Go with someone dark and funny to open,” said Ed Aymar, who runs a Noir at the Bar event in D.C. “Nik Korpon opened at our first, and Peter Rozovsky opened our second. Great ways to set the tone, and let newcomers know what to expect. Along those lines, if someone wants to participate but their usual storytelling is a different flavor, it's good to let them know what to expect. My pal Wendy Tyson is reading in Philly, and noir's not her bag, so she asked Angel Colon for advice at Bouchercon. I think she's still a little shaken, but ready.”

MAKE A KILLER POSTER

Easier said than done. I’m thankful I have some basic PhotoShop skills. Most of my N@tB posters are old paperback covers with modified text. They work for me.

If you’re not design-oriented, keep ‘em simple - cool photo, legible font and there you are. Just make sure the poster lists your readers, venue (with address!), start time and date. I also like to note it’s a free event, because I think everyone is cheap.

I also like printing it out on nice paper and providing it to the venue so it’s on display a week or two before the actual event. I’ve heard from attendees who came based on just seeing the poster.

PREP YOUR READERS - AND YOURSELF

Not all authors are Noir at the Bar veterans. In fact, you don’t want your lineup to be full of the same names someone could see elsewhere. After doing a few of these, I’ve started to notice how the Queens events differ slightly from its N@tB siblings. Not in a better or worse-than way, but just different. That’s good. And because you should strive to get new people into the mix, you should also be prepared to over-explain what the event entails. I try to lay it out as clearly as possible when emailing the roster - readings shouldn’t go over 10 minutes, I suggest a time of arrival and also ask readers to stick around until the end if they can (for the post-game group photo and because I think it’s nice to support your fellow readers - but you should also be understanding if someone can’t). These guidelines serve as a safety net for readers - it doesn’t guarantee a good reading. But you, as a host, have done your duty in letting your participating authors know what’s expected. The rest is in their hands. 90 percent of the time, it’s great.

I’m also learning as I go as a host. I make a little cheat sheet for myself before each event - it’s literally a script for the night - “Thank the venue, thank the readers,” etc. It includes author bios and sections that note when breaks should happen to allow people to exhale a bit, order a drink and mill about. Without those pauses, you’re basically sitting in silence for two hours.

Most, if not all Noir at the Bar hosts are veteran Noir at the Bar readers. With that experience comes a sense of how it works and what to do.

“Rehearse! Practice your piece. Keep it short,” said Eric Beetner, who’s organized a number of Noir at the Bar events in L.A. and elsewhere. “Pick something with humor or action and something that doesn’t need a lot of setup or backstory.”

Yes, bring the funny.

“Funny is always good,” said frequent Noir at the Bar reader and organizer Nik Korpon. “Don't go too heavy on dialogue unless you're an actor. Or at least, too many speakers. Don't go too long. I try to keep my readings under five minutes, which is about 2–3 pages.”

KEEP THINGS SIMPLE - BECAUSE THINGS WILL GET WEIRD

Every Noir at the Bar has a story - funny, bizarre, awful or amazing. It’s just the way these things go. As host, you should do your best to keep things relatively painless for your authors and put on an entertaining show for the people attending. Everything else is out of your control.

One of my fondest memories as a reader was watching Todd Robinson read a story of mine that involved some graphic stuff at a recent Noir at the Bar NYC that featured a handful of authors trading stories. I cried with laughter as things got more and more awkward.

As a host, I don’t think anything can top introducing Lawrence Block. He not only honored us with his presence, but he absolutely killed it as a reader.

But it’s not all unicorns and rainbows. Shit happens.

People get turned off.

“Our weirdest story was when we had someone walk out,” said Malmon. “During our second N@tB, Jed Ayres was in town from St. Louis. He read his story ‘Hoosier Daddy.’ It gets pretty graphic at the...climax...and we had a walk-out. Jed says it was a Red Letter Event for him.”

People get pissed.

“Our bar double booked by accident one night,” Beetner said. “So we had a very raucous birthday party going on at the same time. I’d worked really hard to get a reclusive writer out that night and it felt like he thought I was an idiot. Like, why did he agree to this bullshit.”

Readers swap stories.

“Reading Rob Hart’s story ‘Pretty Princess’ [at Noir at the Bar NYC] was just a blast,” Conley said. “Todd Robinson put together an event where we read each other’s stories. It was absolutely hilarious—the story and the event. I swear I must have turned 10 different shades of red while I was up in front of the microphone reading that tale.”

HAVE FUN WITH IT

You’re probably doing this because you love crime fiction and being part of the community. So make sure you’re enjoying the process: listening to great stories, meeting the readers, connecting fans with great books and laughing  with your friends. Otherwise, why bother?

“They're all great,” said Eryk Pruitt, who hosts a Noir at the Bar in Durham. “As a host, it's going to be hard to top the one at Raleigh Bouchercon because there were eleven seasoned pros showing us how to do it. As a reader, I enjoyed reading at Shade in NYC because everyone was so nice and receptive. It was great to see how the grown ups do it.”

Got a favorite Noir at the Bar story? Share it in the comments.

Blood. Bullets. Beer. Russel.

By Russel D McLean

A quick one this week and then next week back to a longer post (again it will be about New York but maybe not in the way you expect)

The last two weeks have been spent in New York. Well, not two weeks, but rather the last two Fridays (the joy of freelancing is that you can head off somewhere midweek to midweek, which is what we did, although factoring in the 24 hour return journey, we wound up getting back late on the second Friday).

I love New York. I truly do. Looking at my passport I've been back there about five years out of the last six. Its a city that keeps on giving, and what it had to give me this time around was Noir at the Bar.

If you've been keeping an eye on Facebook, you'll have seen that there is now a Noir at the Bar Glasgow page. This was set up by myself and Jay Stringer and I promise you that soon (probably the new year) we will start getting folk together to being you a night that will hopefully equal the one I had in New York.

If you haven't done Noir at the Bar, its a very different kind of author event. More like a poetry slam for hardboiled writers, I guess. You get an allotted time period during which you can read whatever the hell you like. Me, I chose to read a bit from the new book, where Josh Bazell chose to tell a story that started of sounding like he was setting up the reading but wound up being a bit of a clever-clever performance piece. There were veteran authors and some reading their first works. There were novelists, short story writers and all kinds. There were so many variations on crime fiction being read. But what struck me most was how relaxed it all was. Its the first first book event I've done that wasn't about selling books. Did it have an effect on sales? I don't know, but it was a fun way to spend the evening and far more relaxed than most other author events I've done. Probably the flowing beer helped. A lot. That and the raffle draw.

Ahhh, the raffle draw.

The one where each writer drew a ticket after their reading and the winner got one of the prizes donated by the organisers. The one where a certain Scotsman reached in and drew out... his own ticket! (I demanded a redrawing... and luckily it wasn't The Literary Critic's ticket!)

Anyway, my point is that it was a great evening and it was good to see a literary event that was more relaxed, more casual and more accessible in some ways. The lack of emphasis on sales (there was no bookstall) was interesting and I think its the kind of thing that runs on the enthusiasm of the organisers and participants. there are variations on Noir at the Bar throughout the US. Off the top of my head, New York, St Louis, LA, Washington and others have hosted and are hosting therse events. If there's one near you I heartily recommend you try. And, you know, if we ever get Glasgow fully off the ground, I think its gonna be damned good!