Showing posts with label johannes climacus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label johannes climacus. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

How To Query An Agent

By Johannes Climacus

The drunk people at Needle have tweeted some tips on querying an agent. Here are two:






Which reminds one of query posts from:

Rachelle Gardner

Holly Root

Ava Jae

Nathan Bransford

Feel free to add your own tips below or on Twitter.

As always, the best advice is essentially this: Don't be an asshole.

Don't be an asshole by querying for unfinished work. No one buys part of a novel. Unless you've written GATSBY. Which you haven't.

Don't be an asshole by ignoring an agent's stated guidelines for submissions. She wants to see your first five pages for a reason, dick.

Don't be an asshole by sending in work that isn't your best. Why waste someone's time just because you "wanted to take a chance?" Show some respect, dick.

Give it some thought. Most agents are decent human beings and should be treated as such. Don't be an asshole.

Speaking of writing tips, be sure to check out the new E.L. James writers guide, filled with tips and notes on what inspires her.

“As E L James traveled and met with her readers, there was a great curiosity about how she got started writing,” explained Vintage/Anchor’s Anne Messitte, the acquiring publisher of the Fifty Shades series, in a statement. “Her personal story as a writer is inspirational to many women, and journaling has been an important part of her creative process from the start.”

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Writers on Twitter: Reader Email Bag

By Johannes Climacus

This is the week here at Do Some Damage HQ that I finally get around to answering some of your emails. We haven't done this is a while, so let's get right to it.

Paul in Decatur:

I have a 5-year-old son and would like to get him some age-appropriate fiction. Most of what my wife and I have found is just tie-ins with movies and some "learning" books. Any ideas? I'd love to have something of a crime fiction nature. It's fine if there's a good moral, too.

Well, Paul, I can't help you there. See, most children hate books. Especially kids your son's age My guess is that if you're writing us to find out about books for your kid, then the boy is already pretty messed up.

Here's what happens with parents. You spend too much time with your kids. Feeding and dressing and wiping and all that can take hours out of your year.

So, buy your kid a toy gun and knife set. Kids love that. Also, Gears of War. Kids love playing games.

And buy yourself a book or three. Then read those books out-loud to your kid while he's playing cat surgery or whatever. 

It's a win-win.

Here are three books I'd suggest, all out this week:

DONNYBROOK by Frank Bill

EVIL IN ALL ITS DISGUISES by Hilary Davidson

THE GOOD COP by Brad Parks


Meredith in Cheyenne:

Who do you think will win Super Bowl XLIV?

I don't speak Roman, so I have no idea which Super Bowl that is. Your email has been sitting around for a bit, so it may have already happened. I'd suggest not-the-Bills for any Super Bowl.

Jake in Biloxi:

What am I supposed to do with Twitter? Is it better than Facebook?

Great questions, Jake. 

If you are a writer, you are supposed to use Twitter kinda like a time-card. See, writers don't "clock in" when they stop by Starbucks to surf the web. So they have to show some accountability. They do this by Tweeting writing updates. For example, you could Tweet, "Just finished 3,250 words in three hours. Phew. Off for a nap now."

You could also use it to tell your fans about the books that your fans have already bought. The idea, I think, is that readers are so inundated with tweets and status updates and emails about books for sale, that a reader may have missed the past few dozen links to interviews and blogs (like DSD) touting new releases. So it's difficult for a writer to know when a reader has been completely saturated.

Before you spend the next day or two tweeting about your own book, be sure to start with something along the lines of "Fair Warning. Blatant self-promotion coming." This will make everything fine. Like saying "I don't mean to sound sexist, but" absolves you of anything sexist that follows.

If you are a reader, Tweet questions to authors throughout your day. This is a great way to interact with authors while they are trying to write. For example, you might ask Dave where his ideas come from.

We looked at other ways to help writers the other week -- here.

I can not answer your second question as I have not yet seen the Facebook movie.

Mindy in Clovis:

I dropped my iPhone in the toilet. Help.

This isn't really a question, dumbass. Still, put the phone in a bag of rice. Seal the bag. You're welcome.

Jake in Biloxi:

You didn't answer my earlier question, but I'm going to ask another anyway. What is the best book about a dead hooker mystery solved by an alcoholic ex-cop with a dark stain in his past?

First, I did answer your earlier question. Read the fucking post, asshole.

Second, EIGHT MILLION WAYS TO DIE by Lawrence Block takes all those ridiculous cliched ideas and turns them into a masterpiece. If you pull out the plot of the book, it does look rather familiar. However, read the book and you'll forget every other book even remotely like it. I give it eight stars.

Interesting write-up on the film (along with Don Winslow's SAVAGES) is here.

Alice in Fresno:

Isn't this bit done by now?

I don't mean to sound rude, but fuck you.

And yeah.
























Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The Care and Maintenance of an Author

By Joe Climacus

Today, we would do well to look at the care and maintenance of a writer.

First, we should note that we are using 'writer' to mean one who writes creative works to share with the public. That is to say one who writes poems, stories, or novels.

It has been suggested that their is a discrepancy between the term 'writer' and 'Author.'

A writer, it is said, is one who writes whatever it is that he or she wants, without any threat or pressure. A writer is one who 'only writes.'

An Author, unlike a writer, is one who has been proven, one who has achieved publication; therefore, the Author is the one who is known to squeal with glee when a box of ARCs arrives and to complain with suicidal overtones as a deadline approaches. An Author is one who must manage promotions and book tours and contests. An author is one taxed with working on the craft, one who crafts the resulting taxes into quarterly installments.

In so far as we can appreciate the author, therefore can we show that appreciation.

1) Provide reviews and ratings of balance.

Authors are often bombarded with five-star reviews. A book whose praise is of the highest nature can be suspect in that a casual observation might conclude that the reviews listed are "some bogus fucking bullshit." In order to counteract this difficult matter the author, through no fault of his own, finds himself in, a conscientious fan would do well to craft a two-star review or, if the reviews are generally of a five-star level, a one-star review. A book that receives dozens of low reviews is not one that can be suspected of being faked by family or sock-puppets.

2) Encourage continued success.

Most writers are required to "push" their current projects, despite the probability that the ninth book in the series is merely a rote attempt at completing a contract. It is incumbent on the conscientious fan to provide support and encouragement for those previous books that are clearly superior. When posting reviews on your own blogs or on Amazon, make clear that the earlier books are far better than these later books. It is only by encouraging past successes that we can help the author to achieve future magnificence. Use of the phrase "increasingly disappointing series" is suggested.

3) Financially support the author's work.

As a conscientious fan, it is extremely important to financially support the author's work. If you have ever been in a large book store, often called "chains" because of their inability to move with alacrity or finesse, you have seen stacks and stacks of books in the front. These books have been reduced and are often in possession of a black mark along the bottom of the pages. These are the books that you should purchase. Before purchasing any new works by a favorite author, the conscientious fan will purchase these "remaining" books. As book stores have limited amount of space, they are unable to stock new works while these old books are still available. Much like the boxes of frozen cream in your ice box, these older books will inform the manager that there is no need to stock newer product. With the vast amount of promotion and marketing every author receives from a book publisher, the new work will take care of itself. The conscientious fan will focus on purchasing a copy of one of these discounted books.

4) Focus your efforts to support the author.

You might also locate the author's personal email address and share that on your own blogs and social media accounts, so that the author can keep in touch with readers. Or you could call the publishing houses and speak with as many editors as you can, extolling the author's great works and how often she or he has touched you. Though you might currently read many authors, as a conscientious fan you owe it to the author to devote your time and energy. Make phone calls. Send emails. In the past few years, author have begun to publish more and more works, pushing novellas between novels and short stories between novellas. Encourage that. With each review you post, explain how you read the current work in one sitting and demand something new immediately. Show your passion for the author.

5) Provide creative help for the author's publisher.

The past few years have not been good for the publishing industry. This is all the fault of internet pirates and no fault at all of anyone in the world of publishing. Also, Amazon. Show your support and offer your help by creating your own covers for upcoming books by your favorite author. Just as we all became writers when typewriters were invented, so too are we all artists. Whether you have MS Paint or Corel Draw, you have the same tools that expensive "artists" use to create book covers. Your advantage is that you know the author's work. You have read the author's work, driven by her house, edited her Wikipedia page. As a conscientious fan, you must take the next step to helping create future book covers for the author. You can then post them on your blog, on the blogs of others, even on Goodreads and various other forums.

As we move further into this new era of publishing, the conscientious fan does whatever he or she can to help support a favorite author. No one has ever gone wrong by trying too hard to help. If you believe in something, you should do something. If you have a favorite author, show your support by doing whatever you can think of to help. The only bad ideas are the ones you don't act on.