So You Made Some Bad Art Friends

If you haven't yet, read this insanity.

Holy shit, right? Just wow.

I realize the epic that is Bad Art Friend does provide an opportunity to talk about a little discussed topic within writing: the perils of networking (or, how to gauge/temper your social relationships in a healthy way before you drive yourself fucking insane).

The very act of writing is a mostly solitary exercise, so when some writers need to approach others within their community, be it for feedback, opportunity, or kinship, well, there can be a lot of weird pitfalls. Most commonly, these pitfalls are easy to navigate. Some of us are shy, some of us are not. 

It happens. 

But sometimes, oh, sometimes all those doubts, fears, and monsters in our heads can overwhelm us and imposter syndrome creeps right into your socializing, leaving you wondering if the people you're connecting with see you as a peer or if they even see you as a fellow artist at all.

9 times out of 10, those fears are unfounded. But that single time like the one above, where your fears are validated (not discounting an IMMENSE lack of self awareness, but that's a much deeper discussion that isn't so writing-focused), what the hell do you do?

Here are a few tips to life after bad art friends.

1) What hill do you plan to die on?

OK - you just found out there are writers talking a little smack about you. Hell, you may have found out that you are - gasp - DISLIKED among a certain set of writers. 

Bluntly, take stock of your shit. Take a second to do a little reflection and see if your actions may be to blame. Now, this isn't the time to dump the weight of the world on your shoulders, but there's always a chance there's a few crossed wires that you can sort out with good communication and a proper cleaning of your own house.

If not...

Move the fuck on then. As in high school, there are many cliques within writing communities. More often than not, it's harmless, just like-minded people bonding with other like-minded people. Sometimes, it is a group of Mean Girl-wannabes looking out for themselves and thirsting for non-stop validation from fellow boot lickers. Thems the breaks. Ask yourself, is it really worth pushing back? To paraphrase something I heard somewhere, you can't wake someone up when they're faking sleep. Meaning, if someone is willfully doing something, there's not much of a chance you're going to win them over. Starve their fire by choosing not to be the oxygen in the room.

2) Don't drive yourself insane

It's really easy to get wrapped in your own head without hurt feelings. Add the latter to the mix and we all lose ourselves a little. 

I've always been of the belief that I should never assume everyone likes me, but I should also never believe everyone hates me. Temper your relationships within the community. Understand boundaries and understand the people around you. You don't need anyone's friendship to succeed. if someone is toxic, but they hold some sway, who cares? Don't fool yourself into believing anyone's favor is going to change your writing career. Your work will do that, not being friendly to any assholes with perceived power (because I promise you, they ain't as powerful as you think), won't ruin anything for you.

Besides, you have writing to do. You see the room's packed with nonsense? Guess what? You can leave and go write! Maybe even about them (but just avoid like, outright lifting shit from them. Apparently, that ends BADLY).

3) Redefine your own boundaries/goals

Take stock of your situation. What will place you in a safe space? Pulling away entirely? Avoiding certain events? We all handle our traumas differently. Try to find the best way you can tend to your ego wounds without harming your artistic endeavors.

Remember: the social aspect of writing is NOT the same as the act of writing. The only people that can hurt our writing is ourselves. Bullies, hangers-on, and other dummies can't be allowed to hurt your passion of the act itself. Now, some people may argue that smack talking can indeed hurt their career, that folks may talk crap about you to industry professionals.

Well, I mean, if you did something awful, sure, you're done. Let's call that a caveat here. In the event that you're simply disliked by a group of people who like to stir shit, then don't worry. First, if your work is good and you're a professional, nobody is going to avoid working with you because you talk about another hobby too much or you were awkward one time during a reading. And if that industry pro WERE to do that? I mean, shit, is that someone worth working with in the first place?

4) Don't hate yourself, love yourself

Not everyone in life will like us. Even if we're the most put together, compassionate, vibrant being of pure light. There will always be someone out there who wants to dim that shit.

Therefore, if there's something to fix on your end, by all means do, but don't do it for others. I started writing to heal my own traumas, not to be best friends with everyone I meet. I continue on that path, because writing has made me a better person and has helped alleviate some of my scars. I've made friends too, but that's icing on the cake.

Don't sweat the icing. Make the cake.

5) Do good to do good

An obvious issue with Bad Art Friend's kidney story is the sense of neediness based off a person's good deeds. I'm of the belief we do good things to simply put good into the world. We don't need a million pats on the back for being a decent person and we should never expect friendship or opportunities based on the perception of our actions.

I've found paying it forward is therapeutic and a great means to sort out my emotions when I feel down. In a rut because of the bad art friends? Find a way to be a good art friend to others.

Anyway, I'm hoping this is a helpful (if cheeky) rundown on how to handle the stress of high school level drama in an adult world. Be the best art friend you can be - even if it's only to yourself.

David Nemeth is a gift to us all

By Sam Belacqua

David Nemeth is doing a thing what needs to be done. He's a one-man machine with his goddamn INCIDENT REPORTS.

Submission calls. Book reviews. Articles. Interviews. Videos of author readings.

Each week this mother fucker is posting an amazing write-up of what the hell is going on in the crime fiction world, mostly in the "small press" realm.

Most of us (yeah, me included. fuck off) have our heads up our asses. Nine out of 10 author newsletters I subscribe to have something like "What Coffee I Was Drinking When I Wrote My Beautiful Words of Beauty Today," complete with links to some schmuck on Goodreads who said some nice words about you and your book because, honestly, why would I care about something that wasn't you, author?? Gawd, we authors can be such self-indulgent cockcanoes, convinced that people want to read the ways whatever goddamn 100-year-old celebrity what died this week influenced said author. Dear Author, No one gives a shit that the first time you wanted to be a writer was when you saw Sir Rupert McDickdoozle in the 1968 film noir "Dark Darknesses." Who gives a shit?

David Nemeth is helping spread the word about other authors, and I give a shit about that. So I grabbed my cup of Death Wish Coffee that I was drinking to honor the memory of Harry Dean Stanton, whose performance in The Avengers: Hulk on a Plane made my balls soft and ever so delicate, and I walked my scabby ass over to the email machine to ask Nemeth some questions.

Sam Belacqua: The fuck made you start this weekly report?

David Nemeth: I don't think I would have ever started "Incident Reports" without the crime fiction community being so welcoming and supportive of the book reviews I was doing. Once I realized that it was impossible for me to keep up with all the new books coming out, a weekly series was a way for me to at least mention them. That was its genesis, but I then I added book reviews, short stories, and articles I read because I'm a glutton for punishment.

SB: What the fuck is it with this weekly shit? That's a fuckload of work, man.

DN: Weekly, damn, yeah it is a lot of work. I did four weeks of dry runs before I published the first one to see if it was a doable thing. It's tough, but I have two things going for me: an understanding and supportive wife who I don't deserve and only one kid, who is in college. So I've got some free time. If anyone cares, technology-wise I am using Newsblur for RSS feeds and Instapaper to store articles. I just started using Scrivener to write the posts using Markdown and that has sped things up.

SB: Yes, people care about that tech bullshit. It's a goddamn nerdfest around here. Christ, in the time it took you to answer that question, seven douchenozzles have written blog posts about using Scrivwhateverthehellyousaid to write their novels that no one will ever publish. Speaking of writing, what kind of creative shit you been up to?

DN: I'm trying to write some short stories, and by trying, I haven't carved out the time just to sit down and write. I'll get there though, but I'm thinking about it at least. Instead, I'm reading, doing lots of reading, and binging Shameless with the Missus.

SB: Shameless with the Missus? Christ, is that some weird sex thing I don't know about? I'm not going to Google that. Sure, it sounds harmless, but I ain't going to have another "pegging" search page again. Fuckin' hell. Ain't enough brain bleach in the world, man. Anyway, what's one of your most popular posts? Some big successes?

DN: The most popular thing I've written on my blog was my post on the death of 280 Steps. I still miss them but hate the way they went out. BTW, can Hinkson ever find a publisher that will stay in business to keep Hell on Church Street in print? That book is the balls. What I really enjoy is when I recommend books and people dig them like Marietta Miles's Route 12, Paul Heatley's Motel Whore, or Lina Chern's Sparkle Shot.

SB: Anyone been a jackass? Any pushy authors? I want names and home addresses, goddamnit.

DN: Luckily, I've been under the radar so I haven't gotten bombarded. Will this article take me to the next level? I will say that the big publishers are the worst at rancid promotion on Twitter. How many times do big-time authors, authors I thought I respected, shill for a book that sucks? I hate that. At least with small presses, if a book isn't fantastic, you can see the effort and talent there. I'll support that over a shit-ass book from a major that was only written for a TV or movie deal in mind.

**

Thank Zeus we have this mother fucking David Nemeth showing us how it ought to be done. He's saying, "Hey, there's this cool thing someone else did. Go check it out." I mean, fucking hell, man. That's the shit right there. Pay it forward, or whatever that bullshit is. 

If you're doing newsletters and you aren't helping readers discover people who aren't you, then maybe you can take a lesson from David Nemeth's INCIDENT REPORTS.

And, by the way, if this mother fucker ever puts up a tip jar on his site, buy the man a drink each month. Hell, he's working his ass off for you people.

http://www.davidnemeth.net/incident-report-no-1/

PS - Dear Author, I didn't mean that your author newsletter was bad. You're a goddamn glorious snowflake & everyone loves you so hard.

PPS - I swear to whatever god you love that if you see Nemeth's blog and your first thought is that you ought to send him your own book for him to review, then you're a goddamn monster.

Author Etiquette: To Thank or Not To Thank

By Steve Weddle

Hello, Thanksgiving.

First, let me thank everyone who came out to the NYC reading at The Mysterious Bookshop recently.

We had a great time. I read "Purple Hulls" from Country Hardball and then we did an audience-participation segment, acting out various scenes from the novel. Folks were pretty cool about it, though one of the volunteers begged out after being told what the story was about.
Totally fine. No one is judging you, Peter J.

If you weren't able to come, you can still snag a signed copy from The Mysterious Bookshop and from Fountain Bookstore in Richmond, where we did the launch on November 20.

Also, I hid a copy in FAO Scwartz (near Iron Man) and one in a pizza place (I forget which one) in Midtown. Both are signed.

So I'd like to say thanks again to everyone who came out and those who wanted to, but couldn't -- especially if you bought the book. *winks charminglyish*

Also, thank you for reading along with us at DSD.

And thanks to Eva Dolan for coming along with us. Sad to see her leave.

Next week, Holly West joins the team. And for that, we are thankful.

And speaking of thanks, we were chatting this week on Twitter and Facebook about whether it was a good idea for authors to thank book reviewers, specifically for a good review of the author's book.

CheffoJeffo, a book blogger, had some thoughts following the discussion. Also, @popqueenie had some smart things to say from the reviewer side of things

I'm sure others have, too.

Basically what we're talking about is this:

1) Jenny wrote a book.
2) Mike wrote a nice review of the book.
3) ???

Does Jenny email Mike to thank him? If so, what does that email look like?

"Mike, thanks for the nice review of my book. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Cheers, Jenny."

Is that cool? It seems most everyone agrees that thanking a reviewer is a good idea. Hell, I figure most authors are like me in that they're pleased as hell that a reviewer went to the trouble to read and review. I've written many reviews, especially here on DSD. Authors don't always say "thanks," though I figure they appreciate it. Of course, I don't review a book to make the author happy. I review a book because I loved the book and want other people to know about this piece of awesome that they might enjoy. Still, it is nice to be thanked. But it can be kinda weird, too.

(By the way, I do realize I should put this in a "10 Things" post with GIFs and snark. I ain't gonna. But I realize that I should for teh internet.)

Laura K. Curtis, whose Twisted just hit shelves, said she'd gotten the impression that some reviewers felt as if they were being stalked, as if they couldn't be as free with reviews if they knew the author was watching them.

If you're reviewing a book and worried what the author will think, does that impact your review?

Also, if you're friends with the author -- or enemies -- does that impact? Or at least have the appearance of a conflict. ahem

So, should the author and the reviewer remain at a distance, one never acknowledging the work of the other?

How weird would that be? Mike reads Jenny's 483-page book, then writes a brilliant 2,376-word post about that book's genius, but Jenny can't be bothered to say "thanks" for what Mike wrote even though Mike spent all that time and effort praising what Jenny had written? Damn you, Jenny. You suck.

But, then there's what Sean Chercover said about a "thank you" being misconstrued as an attempt to influence the reviewer.

As BookRiot's own Rebecca Schinsky pointed out, that might be a problem with the reviewer.

We started a nice conversation on Facebook about this. Here.

Also, what constitutes an appropriate "thanks"?

Does saying "Thanks" and RTing the review on Twitter carry as much weight as a personal email to the reviewer? Or should you mention the review on your own blog and send people to the reviewer's blog? Or should you comment on that reviewer's blog with a simple "thank you," since comments are currency? I mean, there's nothing worse (except war and famine and stuff) than spending 4,000 words reviewing a book and an author, only to have zero comments on your post five days later.  :(

Is a personal email invasive? Is a public comment just another #humblebrag?

"Thanks a bunch to @Ed69 for this five-star review of my Edgar-nominated novel STANDARD MYSTERY, now available at amzn.co/37362."

And what about just using the review without ever acknowledging the reviewer at all? I don't know of any decent writer who would argue the merits of that.

So, I ask you, what's the right response?

Let's assume we want to thank the reviewer.

Publicly? RT or FB Share with a "thank you" attached?

Private email or message?

On the reviewer's blog?

On your blog?