by: Joelle Charbonneau
At some point in the creation process, everyone has
doubts. Everyone believes that what they
are working on has no validity. They are
certain that what they have written, or composed or painted well and truly
sucks.
Maybe it does.
Maybe it doesn’t.
That’s not really the point.
The point is that everyone – NY Times Best Selling author to first time
novelist – has these feelings. At some
point in the process the excitement of the bright and shiny new story loses its
luster. The adrenaline rush fades and
what is left in its place isn’t fun and fabulous and filled with joy. It’s work.
That’s right, sports fans.
Creating something new takes work.
And during that process there will come a point where the work looks
dull and lifeless and it takes supreme effort to make yourself sit down at the
computer and face the next page. You
want to metaphorically wad what you have up in a ball and throw it in the
trash. You think you are the worst
writer in the world and that the story you are telling would be better served
if someone else did it. You think maybe…just
maybe…this isn’t the story you are supposed to be telling and you start
imagining new story ideas. What if…. How about….
Yep…this is the point in our tale where a large number of
writers abandon ship. They feel the
punch of delight that comes with a fresh new idea…one that hasn’t reach the
point where it feels like work and doesn’t suck and they begin again. However, I warn all of you who stand at this
precipice –don’t do it! Because the
bright and shiny always fades and doubts will always creep in.
Creating something from nothing is hard. It’s never perfect and it is at those
miserably unhappy “this book sucks” moments that you prove whether or not you really
and truly have the courage to be an author.
On those days when sitting down at the computer feels akin to having a
root canal you have a choice—to give into the worries or to face the fear, and
get to work. Courage is required to
finish what you start. Courage is
necessary to allow the story to be told before you pass judgment. Courage is part of what makes an artist of
any kind.
For me the “this book sucks” moment always happens between
pages 100-150. I think I’m not doing the
story justice. I believe I have jumped
the shark or taken a turn for the unbelievable.
I’m certain I should never have attempted to be an author in the first
place. In my relatively short career as an
author, I have written almost fourteen novels.
Four will never see the light of day.
(Trust me, this is for the best!)
There are nine that are either published or under contract and in the
process of going through the publishing process. One…well…who knows what will happen to it. The point is, in every novel, I came to a
crossroads where I wanted to throw up my hands and walk away. But I didn’t.
I chose to sit down, gag the inner critic and work.
Today, I am at page 120 of my manuscript. Wow, does it suck. Or maybe it doesn’t. I desperately want this book to be great so
it is hard to be objective. So instead
of worrying that it isn’t strong enough or evocative enough or….well, you get
the point…I am going to open the document and work. I will fill the pages. I will get to The End. Because I refuse to give up. I want to be able to call myself an
author. And this is what an author does.
4 comments:
Joelle, you hit the proverbial nail smack on the head! I adore you and your work ethic and your kindness and generosity. I am in the space before starting a new book, which also has its ups and downs. (Ups - WOOHOO I don't have to write or edit anything right now!!! Downs - Holy crap, will I be able to come up with another idea worth writing about and, if I do, will I do it justice?) The creative process is that - it's a process. Sometimes the process is fun and exhilarating and inspiring and sparkly. Other times, it just plain sucks. Hugs to you always, my friend.
Thanks
Great post. It's great to know it happens to everyone. For me, it also happens in second and third drafts, usually in the middle. I'm going through that now and pushing through. This post has helped me.
Thanks!
My husband knows that when I start randomly talking about going to school to become and accountant, I've reached this stage in the drafting process. It's a hard thing to learn to work past but, as you said, so important. Nobody publishes a blank page.
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