Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Awkward Writing Metaphor

Ah, I'm going to pull one of the blog cliches out my hat. (No, I'm not going to tell you how to write a sex scene...)

My wife and I have been shopping for a house. If you've ever done this, then you know the sheer amounts of stress and torture it is. We've bid on 3 houses. We lost out on two houses and we were UNDERBID on both. The third...we're waiting on. It's a weird situation. I expect it to go badly.

And that reminds me of what it's like to shop a book to publishers. (And no, I do not think this post will be dated in 2 weeks. Publishing is not dying. It's changing but no... OH SHUT UP DAVE)...

There's so much uncertainty, stress, and hope--then sometimes disappointment--when your book is being shopped. There are a lot of close calls (emails to the agent... THEY'VE HAD IT FOR A WHILE, IS THAT GOOD) that rival my texts to my real estate agent (THEY DIDN'T CALL BACK IMMEDIATELY! That's good, right?). There's hope (I wish I'd saved the email my agent sent when I got my first offer...)

But ultimately... it's out of your control. All you can do is write your best book. Make your best offer.

And hope.

Please keep your fingers crossed for my wife and I. It's apparently a buyer's market....

(Boy, Dave, that was a waste of a post, wasn't it? I mean really, these people learned nothing new about writing and just got to see you whine for a few paragraphs.

--Shut up, interior monologue.

--No, you have to up your game.

--Have you seen the drivel Weddle's posting?

--Hmmmm. Up your game. No one wants awkward writing metaphors.

--Fine... FINE. Next week I'll tell 'em how to write a sex scene

--If you could see me... I'm shaking my interior monologuy head, Dave White.


Diana said...

I may not have learned anything, but I got a laugh at the internal monologue at the end.

Good luck on the house hunt.

pattinase (abbott) said...

When we sold a house in 1998 it was a seller's market. But that didn't mean it went well. We had three bids each time and each time, the winning bid went bad. Once they couldn't get approved for credit. Second time, another family couldn't sell their house and pulled out. Third time, the woman who had bid each of the other times and lost, finally got the house.
We thought, boy, she must really love this house. She proceeded to completely redo everything. From the curbside tree to the garden in the back and everything in between. Not a tree lover, this woman.

Anonymous said...

Hey, let me help with the sex scene post.

Now, the basics are pretty much "In, Out, Repeat until explosive climax."

Now, I suggest Jeff Beck's mid-to-late 70's jazz fusion for writing music as that sounds the most like porno.

The rest is up to you.

If your an indie author, video tape yourself and your partner for research. Use the Jeff Beck music as a soundtrack. According to the Kardashians, it can be used in marketing later.

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