There are Days

By Russel D McLean

There are days you want to throw in the towel.

You know writing isn't digging ditches. But its tough in a different way. If you take it seriously, you're worried the whole time about the reception your writing's going to get, if your agent/editor/reader is being honest with you, if you are finally going to be found out for the talentless fake you are.

There are days you think,

The critics are right.

I've lost it.

I can't go on.

Seriously. Because you take your craft seriously. Because you sweat over each and every word and you know - you just know - when something's wrong, when something isn't working. And you worry that you can't set it right.

There are days.

And you come close. If it wasn't for your compulsive streak you might even do it, throw in that towel, go and start digging those ditches because at least you see results from your sweat and worry and those results are physical, tangible, clearly seen by all.

There are days.

There are days when someone says something. And that sweat and worry you've had lift, even if for a moment. You think, this person means what they say. This person gets it.

There are days when you're flying high on the rhythm and the writer and reader parts of your brain are singing together in harmony and you think, this is why I do it. This feeling here.

There are days when complete strangers send you a letter, unasked for, to say that you touched them in some way with those words you sweated over. You gave them a moment of joy or even one of thought and reflection (and boy, are those moments the ones that make you want to scream with joy even if you can't quite believe it, think the letter writer must have you confused with someone else).

There are days when you see tangible proof that people are out there and people are reading your work. Not because they have an obligation to do so but because they want to.

There are days.

And those days make the darker ones seem somehow worthwhile. There are days that make you forget the reasons you thought about throwing in the towel.

And on those days.

You smile.

Highs and Lows

September 25, 2007.

That was the day WHEN ONE MAN DIES was published. One of the best days of my life. I remember getting photo messages from friends, having people at work throw a party for me (Yeah, with a cake and cleavers, I kid you not.) I went to Barnes and Noble and then got kicked out (SERIOUSLY) because I was taking a picture of my book.

It was great.

I was also in the midst of writing another Jackson Donne novel... one that I was having a TON of fun with. The next ten months were a blast too.

I love bantering back and forth with my agent and my editor. We really felt we had something with THE EVIL THAT MEN DO. Sure, revision was frustrating, but I felt the novel getting better each time I re-wrote it.

That novel came out and it kicked off some great moments as well. I got recognized at a Pearl Jam concert in Boston and was told my book rocked. I flew for the first time in 13 years to Houston for a book signing. (Jason Pinter thought I was going to puke on the plane.)

Yeah, writing a novel is all it's cracked up to be.

At times. But there are also lows.

It took me over two years to write another novel. I got bogged down in revisions and plot ideas and character motivations. It was hard work.

I'm not with the same publisher anymore.

I've been researching terrorism and have completely freaked myself out. Seriously. I woke up in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm thinking we were being attacked.

I've suffered some harsh rejections and bad reviews.

And there were times I wanted to put my head through the computer screen thinking I'd never get the book done.

There are days where it feels like nothing is ever going to work out.

But now the book is done. And I truly feel it's the best thing I've written.

I have hope again. Looking forward to some more highs.

I'm not giving up anytime soon.

SPECIAL THANKS: Victor Gischler gave me the idea for this post. The Deputy is available now!