Friday, March 17, 2017

St. Patrick's Day Tips

There are only a few things you should never do on St. Patrick's Day, and I'm here to make sure you know  them.

1) Don't drive drunk. You're a grown adult.
2) Don't participate in shitty Irish stereotypes.
3) Don't drink green beer. Seriously, it's whatever the bar's cheapest beer is, with food coloring. Why?
4) Don't rob a bank dressed as a leprechaun.

You heard me.

What the hell is going on here?

Perhaps he felt it was a convenient disguise, and that people wouldn't necessarily balk when seeing a grown man in a short-pants green suit and a top hat. Besides, the fake beard would make for an easy-to-ditch facial disguise. What he didn't count on, I guess, is that people notice giant leprechauns running around, even on St. Patrick's Day.

The police were able to get  a clear picture of his day, I suppose by asking "Did anyone see a giant leprechaun?" And the story doesn't  have a happy ending, either. He and his getaway driver put up chase, but eventually had the ditch their car and run. Details are a little hazy after that, but neither made it out alive.

If you have to choose between drinking green beer like an asshole and robbing a bank dressed like an asshole, I guess drink the beer. But better to do neither.

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