In typical Canadian fashion we snuck this holiday in a few days before the Fourth of July so you wouldn’t really notice.
Of course, we all remember the exciting battles of the Canadian Revolution, the high seas adventure as the British Navy and the Canadian forces fought for…
Oh, right, Canada wasn’t born out of a great victory over the forces of an oppressive foreign monarch. Canada was born out of boring meetings and dull negotiations by these guys:
Look at them, I think some of them are nodding off. And Sir John A. MacDonald could only get through the meetings if he was drunk.
A few years ago we had a TV show to name the “Greatest Canadian.” You know who won? The guy who came up with Medicare.
We also had a contest to name the greatest wonders of Canada. Which was won by the canoe. Yeah, that’s right, the canoe. Probably because it’s used in our official Canadian joke: “Why is American beer like making love in a canoe? Because it’s fucking close to water.”
Actually what the contest said about the canoe was: “Early explorers and voyageurs took their cue from the Aboriginal peoples of Canada, utilizing the canoe as the most versatile and reliable mode of transportation. We received many nominations making this important historical link between the establishment of European culture and industry in Canada, and the canoe.”
That sounds about right, Canadians trying to make a link between people.
So, today’s a good day to read some Canadian crime fiction like Hilary Davidson or Owen Laukkanen or Mike Knowles or Dietrich Kalties or Vicki Delany or Linwood Barclay or Howard Shrier or, sort of, Sean Chercover.
Some of those you probably didn’t even know were Canadian. Don’t worry about it, that’s the plan. We’re slowly taking over. This documentary spilled the beans a while ago but luckily, like most things from Canada, no one took it seriously.
Happy Canada Day.